tadaridas: from now on i’m still not gonna read the terms and conditions but i’m gonna ctrl+f for words like soul just in case
suckmyphallus: getterbeam: imagine if you named your kid dad. just dad.
clavid: one time this girl uploaded her own nudes to facebook in the middle of a photo album of family photos and i sent her a text and was like: why is there a picture of you naked in your family photos album and she started freaking out and thanked me a whole lot it wasn’t even classy nudes at all it was like this well im not artist but u get it
olvidare: The fact that there’s over 7.2 billion people in the world and not even one of them is taking one for the team by dating me is extremely unacceptable
phlynn: The lie detector results are in Your hips, have lied…
waiting-for-the-tardis: remember the time shrek 2 ended with the best animated music number ever for no apparent reason YES, oh god did anyone ever watch the christmas special on that Shrek dvd? Me, my cousin, uncle, mum and sister just sat staring at this fire with shrek and stuff sitting around doing nothing for AN HOUR. We were just waiting for something to happen, waiting waiting...
chompyface: hotforphysics: There are bags under my eyes. Bags of money haaha later peasants
mr-radical: imagine if brock challenged you to a staring contest how would you know if he blinked
batreaux: six is afraid of seven because they are best friends and six has hidden deep romantic feelings for seven but six is worried seven won’t reciprocate and it could jeopardize their friendship
commanderinqueef: someone just submitted these eggs with faces on them what do you want me to do with eggs with faces on them